~My Time With Her~

She.

She went to college to study art history.

She worked in advertising before my sister and I came along.

She dropped everything to be a mom.

She was room mom extraordinaire,

master chef who hosted large dinner parties,

sewed matching clothes for my sister and I ...

(It was the Seventies.

The clothes were polyester,

ewww-!-

but still- it was the thought that counts.)

She sacrificed,

and scrimped,

and saved to give us the best childhood imaginable.

There isn't a memory of mine that she was not in-

She just was.

And she is.

She is the best 'Nana'

who always brings my boys bags of jelly beans every time she comes over.

She who loves my husband like he was her own son.

She.

She has Alzheimer's.

And it is so hard sometimes.

To see what she was-

a true dynamo,

a giver,

a brilliant woman ahead of her time,

whose light is slowly (Thank God, at least this disease is going slow for her-) growing dim.

As I have gone back to work,

I realized that

the time I spent with my mom

was not the 'quanity' it was when I was a stay-at-home-mom.

When I was at home,

she was over once or twice a week,

helping me with the boys,

or helping me with my laundry,

or just hanging out having lunch together.

Now,

She is not really able to just 'pop' over in her car,

or meet me and the boys spontaneously out somewhere.

These things are hard for someone with memory loss.

Even coming over to assist me with my boys takes too much out of her-

and really requires that my dad assists her.

(And he is amazing with her-my dad is pretty wonderful, but that is another story-)

Last fall,

I was working myself up (a.k.a: FrEaKinG OuT, and crying-) about my dwindling time with my mom,

and  was trying to figure out a way to spend more time with her, even though I have less.

I wanted my mom,

and I wanted time with just her.

But I just couldn't figure out a way to do this and be what I need to be at work,

and at home. 

So that is where Tin Man found me: sobbing, crying, a sniveling, worried mess.

He was the one who calmed me down,

and came up with 'The Plan'.

I do not know how to explain my feelings-but in a way,

I felt this was selfish of me-

to want this time with just me and her without my boys, or my husband-

and so I was just really thankful and grateful that my husband was supportive of what I wanted to do, and helped me figure out a way to do it.

I guess I just needed to know it was okay

to take time away from my own boys and have a consistent plan

of time spent with just me and her.

Over this school year,

this is what we did.

Every other Saturday morning,

I have been going over to pick up my mom,

and then we go and get our nails done (and sometimes pedicures-) together.

(If you knew my mom, she never neglected her nails or her toenails.

I cannot recall a time they were not shiny or beautiful-

that is just the graceful lady she was, and is-)

Then, we go and have lunch out somewhere that we like, and we chat the morning away.

A favorite is the Nordstrom Cafe:

Sometimes we go and wander the mall after our nails are done,

and just window shop while drinking coffee (or tea, for her-).

My time with her is different now that I am working,

but,

this school year has been pretty wonderful

as I have spent some special time with just me and her...

and I find myself thankful still for this.

(...who is excited to spend summer time with her at my cottage, and then resuming our Saturday morning dates in the fall.. )