In the Details

{John 17:6-18:38}

Last week was pretty stressful (which I mentioned), and thank you to all of you who kept our family in your prayers and thoughts. I know our family is one of many in America that are struggling with finances.  I started last week with tears (stress tears) and ended the week with tears (happy tears).

This study of John has been so needed at this point in my life. The theme I got out of John 17 [Jesus's prayer] was this: Even as He went toward the Cross, I was on His mind.

"My prayer is not for the world, but for those you have given me, because they belong to you."

~John 17: 9

The theme continued in John 18 with Jesus' betrayal, arrest, and mock trial. Jesus modeled everything I need to do, (yet struggle to do-)  here in Chapter 17, and 18 of John:

• 
  
  Jesus modeled replacing fear with trust in God's plan.
• 
  
  Jesus modeled turning to God in prayer
• 
  
  Jesus modeled how to keep our eyes on the finish line, rather than in the details along the way.

I will be honest-I have a very hard time praying for myself and what I feel our family's needs are. I know there are many families with things so much harder than ours, and overall, I know we are so blessed. 

 As many of you know, we are self-employed and that means that health insurance, taxes, and savings are completely up to us, and our planning.

We also have our boys in a Christian School, and that is something that is a priority to us.

 As Tax Day approached last week-I was completely stressed out, wondering if we had budgeted appropriately or not. Did I have all the paperwork together? Did I forget anything? Did we calculate correctly all year?

So as I stressed, I hesitated praying for myself.

It just seemed so selfish.

But finally, I did and a weight was lifted from my back in so many good ways, I just had to share:

First, taxes for 2009 were completed and done-and we had budgeted appropriately. Not only that, but we we were reassured by our Tax Lady we are on track for 2010.

(Thank you Tin Man for your great planning, and to God for keeping us sane through all this!)

The second thing that fell into place was something so trival, but yet so meaningful to me.

My boys are preparing for their big dance recital. (Yes, you read that correctly-our boy's dance recital-)

Our two oldest boys are sports fanatics:

They play flag-football in the Fall, and soccer (indoor and outdoor) all Spring. They collect baseball, football, NASCAR, and basketball cards, and watch Sports Center every chance they get...

They also are in Tap and Jazz all year in a boy's troupe together.

I have become convinced that dance is the most expensive sport~

We have paid for four new pairs of shoes this year (Two tap, two jazz-each pair double the price of soccer cleats...).

We have paid for the classes each month.

We have paid recital fees.

Picture fees.

We paid for the tickets to the Recital for us, and Nana and Papa.

DVD fees.

Costume fees.

(What I am saying: There were a lot of fees-)

After reviewing our budget back in late Fall, my husband and I decided we could really only afford to pay for each boy to be in one dance in the Big Recital this the Spring-Meaning one boy would participate in the Tap class, and one boy would participate in the Jazz class for the Big Recital.

We expained all this to the boys, and they each picked the dance they wanted to do for the recital.

This is what I love about my boys-they were completely fine with this arrangement. No tears, no complaints-just total understanding.

We paid, and left it at that.

Then~

The boys were handed their costumes on Saturday. Two costumes each.

When they came to the car carrying two costumes each- "Mom, we told them this is wrong!"

I hopped out, and ran in to find the owner.

There was a big mistake! I had only paid for one costume, one recital per boy!

I was already calculating in my head that I still couldn't do both boys in both routines, it just was not in the budget.

When I found her, I started to explain,

"I think there was a mistake-"

She put her fingers to  her lips due to all the other parents milling around, and pulled me into her office.

"It's okay. There was no mistake. We want both boys in both productions-don't worry about any of that-We want to do this for your family."

I was speechless.

The tears just started to drip down my face, as the owner hugged me.

You see, our dance place is HUGE. My boys are one of hundred of dancers-literally.

I don't even know their teacher, let alone the owner.

I certainly never discussed the reasons behind our decision with anyone there.

My husband and I are not ones to take any kind of hand-out.

If it means we work several jobs-we do it.

We have never asked for help. Ever.

We stick to a budget, we don't take crazy vacations, or charge things-we just work very hard to live within our means.

And this past year in particular, we have worked extra hard to stay debt-free.

I cried the whole way home.

I was so blessed, so humbled, so grateful.

I called my mom (-who fixed her phone by the way, and told her. She and my dad are truly the only ones who know our stress levels.)

She was now crying with me.

I felt like God was telling me,

"Don't worry-I have YOUR details...Just trust Me. Your stresses are important to me."

I called Tin Man, who was with the littlest of our boys at their Daddy and Me Soccer class.

He heard me crying (because I still could hardly talk-), and said,

"Please don't tell me you cracked up the car again."

I told him about this blessing, and he cleared his throat, and said,

"We'll have to talk about this later-I can't lose it in soccer right now."

(!)

So I find myself again, renewed.

There still are some pretty big stresses ahead for our family.

But again today, and all this week, I feel secure that God is watching over my family.

He is watching over the details of our lives.

Again, I am reminded in the little things-in the details-that it will be okay.

That WE will be okay...

(Next Week's  Bible Study: John 18: 28-19:17)