The Red Bench

(I am warning you now-grab a Snickers, this one could take a while...)

You saw my laundry room a while back, and I hinted about how this room does double duty. Yes~I match socks and fold a million pounds clothes in here, but this room serves a purpose in my parenting...
That is where our RED BENCH comes in:

Although I find my boys' sweet little faces darling, I have a goal in mind every day. This goal has gotten me through the 'terrible threes' with Nature Boy, the 'terrible twos' with Dancing Boy and (currently) Itchy Baby...

(The Back Story...)
Tin Man and I both spent time with a lot of kids before we had our own. I was a first grade teacher, and we had ten nieces and nephews before our kids were even born. We saw what we wanted to emulate, and what we didn't want to be as well. We talked out what our plans would be and how (ideally) we wanted to parent. We even took parenting classes before our babies arrived.

Our goal has been this: To be a firm influence while they are young, and to gradually give more responsibility and benefits as they age. To model to them what unconditional love and boundaries look like, and to teach them everything we know about God and our faith. (Some books call it parenting in "the funnel"-strict as they are little, and loosening restrictions as they age.)

The discipline side of this goal is the Red Bench:

The boys have each spent more time in the laundry room than me on some of the 'bad' days. When their time is up, Tin Man or I go in and talk about why they are in there, how they can prevent being in there, and a reminder of how much they are loved. Many times, I have told them, "I am teaching you now so you won't have to learn this later in life. Learn to obey me, so you will also obey God, teachers, bosses, and those in positions of authority over you." I also keep a Bible and and a book, Creative Correction (mentioned later...) in there because if I can show them "this correction is for the bigger picture in life"-I do.

The benefit side of this goal is the Helping Hands Chart:

I am not a 'task-master' but I do expect our rules to be followed. When the rules are followed, the boys have benefits.
That is our Helping Hands chart. When they do jobs around the house-they aren't paid.** (I know! We are so mean!) They aren't paid because it is expected as being part of the family. However-the chore/rules chart filled in each night adds stickers to their own personal 3/5 card. Each night, we review completion of jobs, attitudes, and behavior. (If they were on the bench that day, they have lost one of the stickers...)When their card is filled up, the benefit of a family activity is earned. (It usually takes almost one season to fill a card, so we plan a family activity like going to a museum, train ride, going to the zoo...) Each boy's chart must be filled before a family benefit, so I encourage them to remind and help each other as they can. I don't want it to be a competition of "who finishes first" so I would rather encourage 'positive peer pressure' to finish their charts by working together.
The older boys also earn "game time" and T.V. time to be banked for the weekend. They have busy days with school, homework, and sports, so they do not watch T.V. or play video games during the week. They earn five minutes of T.V./video game time for every job completed. They also will lose five minutes for each job that is not completed, and each time that week on the RED BENCH.

(I hope one day my future daughter-in-laws will appreciate the work I put into their husbands!!!)

My mom always said I had a strong will as a child and she had to guide me with (a bunch!) of correction...However-there is a benefit to being a former Strong Willed Kid. My Will is stronger than my boys', and I work very hard to be consistent. My kids may have strong wills too-but trust me, mine is stronger. And when in doubt-I read this:

Creative Correction has helped me supplement the Red Bench and keeps the boys on the straight and narrow. It is by far the best book I have read for training and guiding small children.

HOWEVER~

If only Lucy (!) would fall in line like the boys have...UGH!

Our furry girl is breaking all the rules for dogs around here!

She doesn't pick up her own toys,

she eats the cat litter (!), chews up the boy's stuffed animals,

and also chewed up this (!!!):

Can you tell what it is? THAT IS MY CARPET-CHEWED TO THE PADDING. A surprisingly huge hole in such a short amount of time...(BOTH of my six year-old's feet can fit in there.) I need the red bench for dogs, or something!!! We may have figured out parenting (so far-don't have teens yet...), but dog training has been a pain in the you-know-what...(LUCY! Get out of the garbage!!!)